Relationship101: Healthy distance

“Love has no distance, Baby. No, not when it comes to you and me.”
Photo taken August 09, 2009

Just last month, a few classmates of mine were interrogating me about my relationship with my boyfriend, Paolo Solano. I was genuinely flattered when one of them said, “Nakakainggit naman yung ganyang relationship.” I was taken aback when one of them even asked, “Ano secret niyo para sa relationship niyo, Ate Celine?” Just recently, another classmate asked me how long my relationship with Paolo is now and what’s our secret to making it last this long. I honestly do not know if Paolo and I  have any secret or special formulas for our relationship. Other than God, lots of hearts & flowers and love & prayers (which is not much of a secret), it just came natural for us both.

Those questions actually got me thinking. I used to think that most, if not all, relationships were the same and then I remembered my previous failed relationships. Hmmm, what sets this relationship differently from the rest? Maybe we do have a secret or a special formula. How about those couples that often fight or have an on-and-off relationship? How is our relationship different from their’s? I think it’s the healthy distance or space between us.

Here’s an idea of how my relationship with Paolo how it is right now.

  • We go to different schools. I study at St. Paul University Manila while he studies at Centro Escolar University – Makati.
  • We take different beastly courses. I take BS Finance and Management Accounting while he takes Doctor of Dental Medicine. We want and need to be in different fields.
  • We live far apart. I live in Sta. Ana, Manila while he lives in San Pedro, Laguna.
  • We only see each other during the weekends. It’s rare that we get to see each other during schooldays, usually if we have long breaks or early dismissals.

From that, you can pick up how distance plays a role in our relationship. Our courses alone can tell you guys that we are very busy students. Our courses eat up pretty much 90% of our time. We’re lucky enough to see each other once a week and it’s the reason why I can consider our relationship to fall under the LDR category.

Long Distance Relationships don’t necessarily mean being in two different countries. It can simply mean the presence of great distance between the couple involved over a given period of time. Technically, Paolo and I are in a mini LDR. Although we were in an actual long distance relationship during summer for two months. I had to go home to Kuwait and Paolo in Jordan to be with our families. Things between us felt normal. It felt good. We weren’t at all bothered by the greater distance that was present then.

We’re actually very satisfied with how our relationship is. Don’t get us wrong or anything. We do love spending time together, but we also want time for ourselves, our friends and family. Spending time apart allows us both to be well-rounded with everything else that’s going on in our lives. It gives us breathing space and it keeps us focused on our independence.

Healthy distance also gives us something to be excited for every weekend. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. There’s always that thrill every time the weekends are near. Whenever we have the sufficient energy to do something different, we’re always very creative about it by going to places we’ve never been to before or trying something new. When we’re too drained from the schooldays’ festivities, we just chill by eating a lot while watching something. Simplicity at it’s best.

Sometimes Paolo and I wonder of how things would be between us if we saw each other everyday. We weren’t entirely comfortable with the idea. We like how things are going smooth between us. We like getting excited for weekends together. We know that we’ll be spending everyday together after we get married and we want to  continue being excited for that. We don’t want to rush things. We’re both still young and still have plenty of things to discover together and individually.

Discussions like these always make me wonder of how other relationships manage. I know friends who are in a relationship where they have to see each other everyday. I know couples who go to the same school and there seems to be this obligation of being together during their free periods and/or breaks. Unless those couples have really efficient time management skills, I’m a little skeptic about those situations. Seeing each other everyday, seriously? Where’s your breathing space? What will happen to your independence?

Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that that kind of relationships at an early age will not exactly constitute a strong foundation. What will happen when Distance will take it’s role on your relationship, how will you two fare? I think that that kind of relationship builds a strong sense of dependency on one another. How will you fare when you’re forced to be without your other half? Will you still feel complete, as a person, honestly? Think about it.

I know only a handful of couples that go to the same school and see each other almost everyday and are doing great both as one and individually. They don’t fabricate this obligation of being together everyday at an early age in their lives. I’m in awe of them because it’s pretty obvious of how they’re in total control of themselves. I believe that they have a strong personality and a great sense of independence. Kudos to those who are like that! 😉

Healthy distance fashions a colossal amount of trust just like an actual long distance relationship does. It also enhances one’s confidence. It actually generates a lot of positive things in a relationship. Healthy distance, like everything else in life, has to be done in moderation. I guess if Paolo and I were to have a secret or special formula to our relationship it’d be balancing everything in life properly, most especially this healthy distance between us. Too little would be bad and too much of it would be worse, I guess. So yeah, I think that mastering how to moderate everything going on in your life with proper discipline would be the secret to a successful relationship.

“Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.”

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I suppose I’ll end with that and wish you all a happy Thursday. The weekends are coming. 😉 

Stay tuned for another KPop giveaway this Saturday. It will no longer be another album, but it’s adorable. 😀 So keep posted!

P.S

The line from the caption in our photo is a verse from AJ Rafael‘s song She Was Mine, just in case you guys were wondering.

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2 thoughts on “Relationship101: Healthy distance

  1. My professor in Psychology told us that in most cases, “distance makes the heart grow colder”. But yes, we are an exception to the rule. Keep the healthy distance! Can totally relate.

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