It’s Wishful Wednesday today! It’s also Valentines Week and since I’ve been posting about Love this week, I believe that it’s time to finally publish my special post about it. Mkay, so around September 2011, I made this blog post but I never published it yet. I just kept waiting for the right time. I initially made this because a friend of mine started being in an LDR and I wanted to let her know that there’s nothing she should worry about. I present this as a Valentines Week feature. Just because Valentines Day finished does not stop people in love from celebrating Love everyday!
Long Distance Relationships are honestly difficult but not entirely impossible. Each relationship is different from each other but there are also some similarities that each may share. Each partner also possess different point of views on some things which is why I’ve asked four couples three questions:
- What are your thoughts and experiences on LDR’s?
- What is/was the hardest part of your LDR?
- What advice can you give to people who are experiencing or will experience LDR’s?
- I wasn’t able to get Kuya Mike’s side as he was busy.
- At first I was hesitant to get into LDR because I’m well aware of its numerous disadvantages. Not to mention the “stigma” in our society associated with LDR. Oftentimes i would come across with people whose opinions towards LDRs are mostly negative. These INFIDELS (that’s what I call them hehe!) would usually give unwanted remarks such as “LDR??Is that even possible?” “Who are you kidding?! For sure ur bf is cheating on u right this very moment!” “c’me on be WITH me &I’ll get rid of Your loneliness. Since your bf is miles away from u” etc etc to say that LDR is not widely accepted, especially in the case of an unmarried couple is such an understatement that is full of ambiguity. My initial reluctance was somehow justified by our countless and petty quarrels. Not just once have i asked for my “freedom” such misunderstandings were often led by our inability to personally explain our sides. I won’t deny the fact that it was Michael who kept this relationship intact. To make LDR work, one or preferably both parties should be willing to endure any kind of pain imaginable. Sacrifice and a great deal of TRUST and UNDERSTANDING are highly necessary.
- Which part?? Well EVERY PART OF IT. Couples in LDR rely only with different means of communication. In our case chats, texting (he bought me a Smart roaming) overseas calls (regardless of the country…be it in England or even Bangladesh. I would come up with something to contact Michael) etc etc and ironically when you guys are finally together…that is even much harder….why? Coz it’s like being offered all the sumptuous meals you could ever think of. Only because it’ll be your last as you’ll be executed hours later! So you see every minute that you guys are together is extremely precious that you would wish that it won’t end.
- Well now that we’ve literally come along way…. I can proudly say that LDR is INDEED POSSIBLE! It a matter of how steadfast and true is your love for each other. For me “I love you” means “I TRUST you”. Who ever said that love or the idea of being in love is ALL about joy and happiness is a lunatic and absurdly delusional! In order to fully understand and experience TRUE LOVE… one should be ready to face any kind of hurdles that he/she might come across. The willingness to accept that TRUE LOVE CAN BE SOMETIMES BE FULL OF SACRIFICES, ANGUISH & IS NOT ALWAYS IN YOUR FAVOR…is the crucial mind set of somebody who is ready to face anything in the name of love. And trust me, all these will bear fruits no materialistic luxury could ever surpass!
- A long distance relationship can either be the Achilles heel in your relationship or an opportunity for you and your partner to learn more about yourselves and each other. Its something that can either make you or break you. Based on my experience (so far) its been a way for me to appreciate my partner even more and a way for me to learn about my own limitations.
- Well, im sure Honey would tell you that the hardest part was during the beginning when the separation and the pain was still fresh. I knew that would happen. So i made sure i’d be strong enough for the both of us. You see, i cant really give you a straight answer to this question. Because a difficult time for one of you will eventually affect both of you. The beginning was hard for both of us… lets put it that way. There were (and still are) times when i really miss her and would like someone to talk to, not just anyone but someone that really gets me the way she does. Honey wasnt just my girlfriend shes also my best friend. So another difficult time for US is when there are things i want to tell her but cant. But most of the time, her damn internet connection always cuts out… needless to say, that can be really annoying!
- The best advice i can give you is to come into your LDR strong. What i mean by that is to have a solid relationship before even starting your LDR. In general any relationship that is founded on lies and insecurities will not last very long. So make sure you clear all this up before waking down this long and lonely road. Another important tip is DONT plan anything. The frustration will kill both of you if it doesnt work out, and believe me, in an LDR very few things work out according to plan. So just chill do what you need to do and go with the flow, learn to adapt to situations instead of reacting to them. And finally, FB, twitter, Google+ and Skype…. the internet is a world of its own and a great way to communicate with your partner. It might seem dorky at first but believe me, you’ll really appreciate it down the road.
- A lot of people don’t believe in it, but a lot of people have survived it as well. I think that as long as both parties are consistent in making an effort to make it work, then you should be fine. Keeping an open line of communication is one of the most important factors, as well as TRUSTING and HAVING FAITH in each other. Just believe that you’ll make it through and pray, pray, pray….
- The hardest part was– the beginning. I would cry my eyes out every night. I cry when I hear a song that reminds me of us, I cry when I pass by a place we used to go to, I cry when I see his stuff lying around my room, I cry whenever I see our pictures together.. I cried all the time!! But I tried my best to stay strong for him because I know it hurts him too when I cry.. Kailangan tulungan kayo eh.. Because wala sya paghuhugutan ng lakas ng loob kapag pati ikaw sobrang depressed na. You’re supposed to be each other’s pillar of strength. The hardest part nowadays? Its when our internet connection is being retarded. HAHA! Kidding aside.. Its when we have those fights that start out small and then biglang lalaki. Its frustrating because you’re not physically there to make lambing.
- Besides the ones that I mentioned on the first question… What I can say is, before you get into a long distance relationship, be 101% sure na kaya mo panindigan yun papasukan mo. It’s not going to be easy so be sure that you can promise yourself and your partner that you won’t ever do anything to make him/her worry about you. Never put yourself in vulnerable situations like getting drunk with friends of the opposite sex, or doing something out of impulse when you get into an LQ. ALWAYS think of ways to make the other person feel that they’re always on your mind no matter how far you are from each other. Bawal ang hindi ma-effort sa LDR..
”Misunderstanding will always be the cause of fight/argument, hindi maiiwasan yun. Especially if your schedule are conflict, pag uwi mo tulog sya, pag gising mo umalis na siya. Things like that have to be considered. What else, trust is very important anddd as much as possible, you have to update how your day went when you have the time to go online.”
- LDR is a TEST. It tests how COMMITTED you are to the person. It’s a test of trust and most imporantly PATIENCE. If your partner have these abilities, then guaranteed, he loves you. From my experience, the longest LDR I’ve had with Hosni was around 1 year and 6 months of not seeing each other. If you want it in total, it’s approximately around more than 2 years. It was such a struggle during those times–the time difference, the no cuddling, the internet connection problems! But we struggled through all of those…TOGETHER….online :P
- The hardest part was when we broke up for a long time (6 months), when I’ve had enough of our nonsense fights. You know that after a couple fights, the LAMBINGAN goes next. We didn’t have that because we couldn’t do that together online! The only thing we did was talk on the mic with matching hugging and kissing pa in front of the webcam and it looks stupid if a 3rd person is watching you. Although it’s a good thing that we never longed for anyone else
- COMMITMENT + PATIENCE = You’ll get through it.
- It sucks, kasi I’ll have to wait for her to go online, plus different timing plus, duty nya sa makati med is like super Imba. We talk like 1 hour a week!! Imagine that! (the time na nagduduty pashya) and mostly 65 percent of that hour is just arguements (thank God I have a long patience).
- No touch, no hugs and no kiss.
- I don’t really know, I guess just don’t give up! -_- until you have a chance to get together. kung wala talagang chance then there’s no need to wait.
- It’s not easy, It will test your relationship.. trust and everything else.
- Misunderstanding. You’ll miss each other sooo bad.
- If you don’t trust your partner, wag niyo nang subukan mag LDR!! HAHAHAHA Patience, Trust.. lahat!!! masusubok sa LDR!! Prepare for loads of shit! ahhahaha But if you guys really love each other Distance is nothing
Love lots,- Celine